Studies of gay relationships are young. The first scientific work on the interaction of gays and lesbians with their partners during communication (facial expressions, the voice tone, manifestation of emotions, and physical changes, for example, the pulse frequency) appeared only in 2003. However, such observations are the basis for studying heterosexual steam. John Gottman (recognized authority in therapy for couples, mixed and same-sex) and Robert Levenson, Professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, studied 40 same-sex couples and 40 mixed married couples. Psychologists concluded that Gays and Lesbians are much kind to their partners during the quarrels than the naturalists: they are not so aggressive, are not so authoritarian, and the partners scare less. Gays and lesbians are also more often joking during the sorry (and the lesbians joke more than gays). The authors concluded that “heterosexual couples could learn a lot from homosexual couples.” Though, the new century makes it all easier and understandable now. It is becoming much easier for LGBT couples to find each other with technology and build a strong and healthy relationship. There are many social networks and sites to help through transgenders personals, gays, lesbians so they can cope, find love, and fight for their freedom without menace to their life.
What Does it Mean to Be in “Unusual” Relationships”?
If someone tells that there are no “unusual” relationships – they are lying. Couples within the LGBT community are different from hetero couples. They have a similar way of life, yes, like other normal humans, but their communication is different. So mostly, being in “unusual” relationships means to be in love, passionate, true love.
Gottman and Levenson also found that when gays are breeding with partners, conversations for complex topics, partners, compared to mixed pairs, is harder than “restoration” – in particular, it is harder to put up. Gottman and Levenson offer psychotherapists working with couples, help the gays “restore” relationships.
Why do gay more kind in conflicts? Why are they harder to put up after a heavy quarrel? And why do they need a wild heartbeat? The researchers have long noticed that partners’ roles are less significant in gay and lesbian relationships. Although there is a commodity opinion that in most gay couples, one of the partners plays the role of “wife,” most often, their relationship is equal to that of mixed couples. Both guys wash the dishes. Both girls fry steaks. Mixed couples often quarrel with the roles’ conditioned partners: men go to themselves, and women suffer and then explode. Gays and lesbians can be peaceful during quarrels because they are not prescribed a certain role.
Do Technologies and the Worldwide Web Affect Us?
Definitely – yes. Why? Because technologies brought us freedom, and even if it will sound like a contradiction, freedom restrictions. It works in both ways, as you know. On the one side, we have the Internet, dating sites, social networks, and everything to contact with people even if they are on the other side of the planet. But in the same way, we’re bound by services that are gathering our personal info, stalking our activity, and, of course, scums. There is so much information on the Internet these days, but how many percent of it is true? 30%? 40%? Everyone has access to the worldwide web, everyone can share thoughts, ideas, news, but not all people are honest. And now, 60% of information on the Internet is there to deceive us.
Fake news, fake profiles of people, etc. This fakeness binds us, but we’re free to choose and share. So, yes, technologies affect us in many ways, and not all of them are pleasant and right. But there is also the light side of the token. People like gays and lesbians, transgenders finally can be open, can reach out to each other without danger of being blamed for who they are.
Challenges and Issues for LGBT Relationships and Transgenders
No one knows why gays and transgenders are harder to put up after the quarrel, but there is a theory. Reconciliation is not so important because it is less affected by the sexual lives of partners. Perhaps because women in these pairs do not limit the evolutionary sexual appetites of men, gays are most likely than mixed and lesbian couples to agree to a non-monogamy relationship. And this reduces the need for reconciliation. Besides, as a great study conducted in Norway (results were published in Journal of Sex Research in 2006), gays and transgenders are watching porn more than anyone else, which reduces their dependence on the partner.
And also, there is a thought that gay, transgender, and lesbian couples can prefer a rapid pulse during the quarrel due to what happened to them in childhood. Although the world changes, many homosexual children grow with the belief that what they want is disgusting. They are overwhelming their desires and becoming adults and enters into relations, bring drama in them to fill out “emotional voids”. LGBT members need their relationship to burn like a fire. Legalizing same-sex marriages is likely to help extend gay relationships, at least due to the access to social benefits existing for married couples in so doing, reducing HIV circulation. But although researchers are absolutely right, saying that mixed couples have something to learn from gays, we think that is true and the opposite.